Drunken Style: An Alcoholic Story Part 3

Around my 39th birthday in October of 2017 I had another seizure. I don’t remember much about it. This time I was sitting on my bed and wasn’t injured. This time was different than the others. Every other time I had a seizure there was always an element of withdraw associated with it. Not this time. I was drinking when it happened and once i came to I continued to drink. To ME, nothing had happened. I was sitting, the lights went out, came back on and I kept drinking. To Chas and my kids a lot had happened. They had witnessed me basically dying for the fourth time. They had seen me being worked on by medical professionals for the fourth time. I had scared them to death for the fourth time. I decided later that it would be the last time, but not how you might be thinking. No, I didn’t sober up. I got worse. I wasn’t drinking and having fun and I wasn’t drinking and not having fun. I was drinking and I was dying and I wanted to.

Within a few weeks of that last seizure several events involving my family, my behavior, and my actions lead up to my daughter leaving my home. In my life I’ve had my heart broken four times and I’ve probably broken my fair share but, I can say with the utmost of certainty that there is no pain that you can inflict upon yourself that hurts as bad or cuts as deep as breaking the heart of your own child. I will be sorry for that as long as I live.

That was November 11 2017. Between then and November 15th (the day I got sober) I spent the days drinking A LOT and thinking about the most courteous way to end my life. My wife and her Dad begged me to get help and I did.

That first night at the hospital I was awoken by someone shaking me and sitting me up. This man was yelling at me in a thick Vietnamese accent “ Asher what the fuck man!” , “You are going to die!”, “Asher stop killing yourself Man!” All the while he’s yelling at me he’s putting a stethiescope to my back, chest, and abdomen. This man Dr.T probably saved my life. I can’t really explain why but while this man this stranger was telling me that I was going to die I was thinking to myself “ The fuck I am!”. I woke up the next morning a different person. I decided that morning that I wanted to live. I decided to become a better man. I decided to become a better martial artist. I decided to repair my body, my mind and my spirit. I decided to be what I always was!

I never decided to quit drinking. However, If I was to accomplish my goals drinking had to go. Thoughts of suicide had to go. In order to become what my Sifu calls a Wude Warrior I would have to be sober.

Before I got sober I had already been talking to Sifu about becoming an Iron Mantis affiliate. Needless to say I was in no shape to take on such a venture and upon seeing me Sifu knew it. He didn’t tell me this until later but he wasn’t going to let me. Fortunately for me Sifu didn’t give up on me. He never has and I do my best NOW to make sure he never has to.

Little by little, day by day, I got stronger. My health began to improve and as my body began to heal so did my mind. My body was in pretty rough shape. I was underweight, my blood pressure was high, my liver enzymes were REALLY high. Slowly my appetite came back and as it did so did my appetite for practice.

I have been a martial artist all my life. I would even say that I have been a martial artist before I ever studied martial arts. I truly believe that anyone can learn and benefit from the martial arts, but not all are martial artists. It’s in the blood.

Shortly after coming home from the hospital my old friend and kung fu brother David paid me a visit. He reminded me matter of factly “Asher, you are a Gung Fu man, always have been.” I will never forget the look in his eyes when he said it. It was kind truth.

The term Kung fu or Gung fu doesn’t mean martial arts. It refers to having great skill at something which you acquired over a long period of time and practice. You could say for example that I have good gung fu behind a stove. To have good Gung fu in Wushu (martial arts) has been my goal since I was a kid, a goal which was lost to me for years. Until that night my friend reminded me that I am a gung fu man. Damn skippy!

As I mentioned in part 2 my wife and I owned a business. The person I am now could not exist in that business so we sold the shop. So, once again not unlike 10 years ago I had to start a new career. I opened my dojo in August of 2018 and now promote, train, and teach Iron Mantis full time. This is one element that has helped me maintain my sobriety. Through daily physical training, meditation, reading and writing I try to live my life according to a certain set of values that in our system we refer to as the 12 virtues which are contained within our student creed, which is as follows;

“ As part of my martial arts studies I will strive to learn PATIENCE and SELF-CONTROL I will conduct myself with INTEGRITY and LOYALTY I will RESPECT those around me I will show HUMILITY, RIGHTEOUSNESS, and KINDNESS in both word and deed I will strengthen my WILL, ENDURANCE, PERSEVERANCE, and COURAGE.”

I do not just pay lip service to these words. I do my best every day to live by them and adhere to living by what we call WUDE. (martial morality- pronounced woo duh) There is no room for booze here, not for me. My name is Asher Allen Morris I’m 40 years old and I am a Wude Warrior.